Not what I was expecting, but I had no expectations

I really had no idea what A-100 would be like, to be honest. Each day is a mix of fascination and exhaustion. The  motto of the class is “setting us up for success.” I think the real motto should be: “I hope y’all like to tread water!” You know it is a lot like this:

The introverted side of me wants to go home every night and hide. The realistic side of me realizes socialising is an expected job function. It’s all a little overwhelming. Combine lack of sleep with overeating with too much caffeine and the end result is patient zero in our soon to be zombie land. I am struggling to keep up already. I feel so inundated with information, people, and obligations. I’ve never had a job that required so much umph. I knew that this class would be a challenge going in, but I guess I wasn’t physically prepared for the beat down. My whole body aches from being squeezed into a jam packed room with no space to spread out. My shoulders and knees are sore from sitting constantly. My feet are blistered like I ran a marathon with no socks on. I am just straight exhausted. I am still grappling with my own insecurities about being a sorely under educated young’in with barely any experience directly related to my track – management. I worry about exposing my pitfalls for all to see: lack of confidence, tendency to over communicate, poor English skills, and propensity for doing something stupid. Like I did yesterday in class, but at least I know what everyone will mock for years to come.

But, I am also the happiest I’ve been in my life. I didn’t expect much from this class, simply because I had no idea what it would be like. I’ve been delighted to absorb advice from the older and wiser folks in my class. The ideas and quotes are growing exponentially, such as “manage time, lead people.” I shared some of my Whole Foods experience with the class today and it was well received. I’ve barely noticed any chest puffing in or out of class, everyone seems so down to earth, for the most part. As a class, we are a unique blend of over achievers and humble servants. Our sessions have been enlightening. I leave each day with a greater sense of pride and community than I did the day before. I still can’t believe I get to do this for the rest of my life.

But please, for the love of all that is holy, get this girl a grammar guide and a nap.



5 thoughts on “Not what I was expecting, but I had no expectations

  1. I joined when I was barely 22 (seriously– had turned 22 six weeks before) and had only 18 months of full-time work experience. Five years later, I do have stories I could tell about pretty blatant ageism, but for the most part I have been accepted by my colleagues as a competent and bright counterpart. I think it’s important to remember that for every ounce of self doubt you have, the older folks are experiencing their own version of very similar struggles. Often, they come in with much higher expectations that their expertise will be fully utilized from day one and unfortunately that’s just not the case. The benefit of coming in as a young officer means that you are able to approach every task with youthful enthusiasm and an open mind.

  2. Welcome to State!

    From remembering back to my A-100, I think everyone felt like they didn’t belong. No matter how impressive your own achievements are, everyone else seemed to have better ones. Don’t worry. You’ll do great.

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