It is so exciting to see all the invites going out for October of this year. Unfortunately, I am only making my limbo worse by reading peacecorpsjournals. Every time I see another invite I think – when am I going to get mine? I heard from placement this week, why haven’t I got an invite. I have a lot of experience and education. Why not me? When is my turn? Are all the spots going to fill up again before I even get a chance this time?
Why won’t my placement officer just invite me? Why does she have to use the word “soon” – what does soon even mean. I assume soon means in the next 1-4 days. I honestly do believe that soon is the worst word ever invented. I want to start planning – why can’t I get an invite? What makes everyone else more special than me? Should I have put more on my resume about my education. Why can’t I just know how this whole placement business works? Why is it so secretive? I wish there was a dictionary for peace corps application – you could just look up the meaning of an email or a toolkit change.
Do I sound whiny? Yeah, well I feel like it. Sitting at work in a complete emotional limbo is miserable. I can’t concentrate.
Also, I can’t really talk to any of my friends about how I am feeling because:
1. My good friend moved away
2. My best friends here in town, refuse to talk to me about the Peace Corps. Two reasons: 1. they don’t want me to leave. 2. the husband is really really really against tax payers paying for the peace corps – jerk. anyway.
3. My dad just talks about how it is so dangerous and I will probably die.
4. My dog doesn’t talk back, but I feel bad telling him “mommy might leave you at some point”
5. Can’t tell my coworkers
6. My best friend lives in a different time zone. I don’t want to burden her when she has so much on her plate.
7. I don’t really have many more friends that I feel I could talk to.
8. My mom never lets me whine on the phone, so that’s out the window
GAH. I just wish I could know. I hate having to bottle up who I am, what I want to do. I haven’t been able to really tell anyone about this process since it started…in April 2010. That’s a really long time to not be able to discuss how you are feeling.
Thanks blog for letting me vent 🙂