1. Reading Peace Corps Journals is like a drug. No matter how much you read, it is never enough. All you want is more. At work you go into withdrawals wondering if so and so passed medical yet or got an invite. All while secretly being jealous of anyone who is slightly ahead of you in whatever stage you are at.
2. Personal confession, I stopped reading PC blogs as religiously. Mainly because of #1. This has really helped stave off the RAS.
3. I am scared of packing. For mainly one reason: Africa. Skirts. I do not own a single casual dress or long skirt. I don’t even know where to buy one that doesn’t make me look like a hippie. Seriously though, where do you get long summer dresses or long skirts? I only shop at the Gap (I am not even kidding).
I know I shouldn’t be worrying about little stuff like this, especially since I may end up in Nepal, Ukraine, or wherever. It seems like long skirts are required for a lot of places though – never hurts to research.
4. I am going on vacation with my mom at the end of the month. There are a lot of moving parts since we are doing an Amtrak LA to Seattle and back train. But in between are hotels and cities I have never been in, mainly LA. I have roamed around Berlin, London, Frankfurt, and DC alone, but for some reason LA scares the shit out of me. I think my main fear is from what I perceive is the sheer size of the city, plus the traffic. All I imagine is a giant city that never ends with cars not moving at all. I also imagine myself getting mugged. Yeah, I don’t have the best expectations for LA. I really need to find something to do on a Monday morning/afternoon though. I get in at 7:00 am and my mom doesn’t arrive until 3pm I think. So this confession is I am scared of vacation? Moving on.
5. Dealing with my apartment lease renewal with all this uncertainty is NOT fun. If I sign a 3 month renewal, I have to pay an extra $35 fee a month on top of a new rate. If I sign a 6 month lease, it is only a slight increase, but if I have to buy-out my lease it is a 500 buck fee. Either way, UGH. I am trying to set up an appointment with the apartment manager to discuss my options.
6. My nomination was for August. When I realize I may only have another 4 months to be with friends, spend time with my dog, eat lots of food, use a real toilet, take awesome showers, and drive – I get a mix of sadness, excitement, and a little bit of anxiety. All I want is answers 🙂 Am I going in August? Am I leaving? Am I in?
7. Is it sad that the two things I will miss most are:
a) my dog
b) long, hot showers
I have gone a year without my parents. Lately, I only see them a few times a year anyway. I love my parents, but I am already used to being away from them. My friends, while I love them dearly, are all over. I don’t see a lot of my friends as much as I would want to anyway. I won’t actually miss my car at all, I am an awful driver. I will miss okie food – fat burgers, pizza, bbq, and more bbq.
8. I fluctuate between slight doubt and steely determination. It is normal to have doubts, every time I have one for more than an hour though my inner voice peeps up. “Do you want to stick with the status quo, just doing everyday? Or do you want to do something? Do you want to make a difference or just accept life as it is? Is it really that much to sacrifice personal comforts and desires for two years? No. Two years, that’s just a fraction of college or life period. In two years, you can do so much with your life. Stop doubting yourself and realize this is the best thing you can do for yourself and for others.
I love my inner voice!
Now if only that inner voice would give me some confidence about this vacation. I think it is funny that I am more scared about a vacation then I am of spending two years living in a mud hut with no running water.